i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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