omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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