Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
