i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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