do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I DEMAND FORESKIN
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
There's even glitter on my cock...
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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