So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
