my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize