2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
