Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
