He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
