dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
