Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
