I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
