he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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