Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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