We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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