Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
