he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
