He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
