Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
