my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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