she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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