im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
its liver damage thursday
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
