I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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