my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
