just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
