Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
