I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
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