I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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