i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
