Tell her she can't have a vagina
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
