I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
he puts the penis in happiness.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
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