Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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