we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
