Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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