Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Randomize
