Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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