I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
