i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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