I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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