the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
