i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
