you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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