They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Randomize
