I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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