Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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