You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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