The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
