I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
