I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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