did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Randomize