so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
