i think i have herpe
just one?
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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