Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
