I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
