he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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