Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
