You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
