My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
