I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
