The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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