I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Randomize
