Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
