it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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