i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
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