Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
