there was a trapeze. enough said
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
