I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
only you would photoshop your dick
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Randomize
